He runs and hides,
Bullets like flames,
Seeking, hungry, wanting,
They seek the weak, the weary.
Look over, a friend is there,
His eyes reflect the fear,
The reality of the inevitable,
Realize that he's already gone.
Dirt sprays, shrapnel joins the dance,
Ringing brings the sweet taste of blood,
Strength is expensive now, but he stands,
Must help the others, must bring them home,
The red cross he wears, he needs to earn it.
Time slows, he's running, ragged gasps,
He slows, seeing in front of him,
The night, he walked away knowing,
He would never see that radiant light,
The one he held more precious than water.
The pain is real, he feels it, stumbling,
When that light left him, for another,
He falls to the ground, warm tears,
Mix with the redness, he knows,
So much pain, he's so cold...
Bombs blast again, his face hurts,
He lays in the dirt, too tired of war,
Fought since he fell to the darkness,
Without his light, he is nothing,
No longer forgiven, but forgotten.
Looks up, seeing clouds, smiles, partly.
Remembers the warmth, even in winter he felt,
Would she forgive him, now, he lays,
Would she love him for trying, to show her,
To the end of the world, now farther, he promised.
Rain falls on him, as he grows dark once more,
The cold falls on him, he sighs the last time,
He'll get to rest, be forgiven for being evil,
He'll wait in the summer, for her, forever.
They look on to the stone and see the dirt,
The wood that masks his face, covered, shut,
They see through it to his smile, his face,
His hands holding friends, family, not blood.
They cry, tears hit the ground, joining the rain,
She's there, does she cry, does she hurt like him?
He stands behind them all, crying for them, he knows,
How to feel to lose a light, his light,
She's there in the front, still beautiful,
It hurts to him, so he starts to walks to her,
Kiss her cheek and hold her, but no feelings greet actions,
He fades away, walking, tears still there, he says once more.
I love you.
My chalkboard...
Monday, February 14, 2011
A comedian/ entertainer came to talk to my school to talk about being nice to others. He said that we were all wearing chalkboards, in which we could write how we feel, what we want to say others.
Mine would read:
You don't have to be nice to me today. But please be nice to HER. She deserves at least one day where she doesn't have to worry about drama, or pain. Where she can be happy. Please be nice to her, because I failed at it, and I want others to not follow my footsteps. Thank you.
Happy Valentine's Day
Mine would read:
You don't have to be nice to me today. But please be nice to HER. She deserves at least one day where she doesn't have to worry about drama, or pain. Where she can be happy. Please be nice to her, because I failed at it, and I want others to not follow my footsteps. Thank you.
Happy Valentine's Day
Which is better?
Thursday, February 10, 2011
She's conflicted between to guys: mike, and me. She almost slept with him, wants to, and really likes him... But he's after another girl mostly...
I'm now a friend, an ex that can't get her out of my head... For 10 months I loved her in a relationship. Tried to please her... But I made mistakes.. But I still care for her SOmuch... I gave up looking for girls, for her. We kissed. Several times. In public. He said it was like butterflies...
But his felt right. What's better?
I'd fight to the end of he Earth. Would he?
I'm a villain... But doesn't mean she can't redeem me...
I'm now a friend, an ex that can't get her out of my head... For 10 months I loved her in a relationship. Tried to please her... But I made mistakes.. But I still care for her SOmuch... I gave up looking for girls, for her. We kissed. Several times. In public. He said it was like butterflies...
But his felt right. What's better?
I'd fight to the end of he Earth. Would he?
I'm a villain... But doesn't mean she can't redeem me...
More!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
xxx---Fragments---xxx
now i'm happy to fade away, changing white then black and last to grey, of all the things that have gone awry, the last day i said goodbye
got the left and got the right, first were happy then we fight, first we fight and then it falls, right inside my hearts small walls
gun in my hand, blood fall like grains of sand, don't say i didn't try, if only i didn't make you cry
smash my mind as I walked the floor, still see you past closed doors, if only i knew whats to say, why don't we just walk away.
turned the light into fire, burn everyone around, now i regret for being so damn enlightening.
can it be that i cant help myself, that im better off gone, that im just the leaves in the fall.
my past just some faded picture, just leaving me with the music in my headphones, please be in my future.
burn the pages of life so you don't act this way, just love me please is what i pray.
hold the blade tight in my hand, laugh quietly as i sink in sand, act all cool when i get shot, who knew my blood could be so hot.
if you really want i'll let you go, my heart so cold when i cry it snows, i'm so hollow you can hear the wind blow, my wish is that it shows
Goodnight goodnight, to my past life, goodnight goodnight, to the rest of my self, goodnight goodnight to my sanity and strife, goodnight.
pull out the gun, just for fun, shoot my head, oops im dead, not the first, not the worst, kiss the ground, I'm in the sound.
Your my other half, I love it when I make you laugh, Just smile with me in our black and white, Cry and I'll make it alright, for you...
always now and forever, even when you say whatever, I will not stray from your light, because i only want this one sight, of your beauty...
If only if only, we were together, because I would love it, whatever the weather, since you are all mine, and mine is all yours, when i see you my heart soars.I love you too, I do I do. This one thing, I know for true, that the only person I want, is you, is you. :)
Don't bite off more than you can chew, only do what you want to do, don't join the rest of us, you deserve a place all your own.
xxx---Another Day---xxx
Laugh, cry, and then we say bye,
Only to walk back,
Back again, we sigh,
A little heart attack.
Stop being so damn sweet,
It means so many things,
I know your weary, take a seat,
And listen to what your heart sings,
So don't cry over spilt milk,
And being caught in a whirlwind,
So then maybe I'll be bound in your silk.
Forget all those nights,
Because you never were alone
Remember as you hit the lights,
Maybe one day I'll use that tone,
To call you back to my side,
If you only knew what I felt,
You'd see how my lips lied,
You come in, be sweet and make my hearts melt.
Take things slow, for your health,
Smile be happy, and enjoy us,
Otherwise you'll miss life's wealth,
And when we sat together on the bus,
don't you miss how we felt back then,
when I kissed you when you said when...
xxx---Bring on the Night---xxx
Raindrop, raindrop,
Please fall for me,
Down here, don't stop,
Til all I see,
Is just the clouds,
That hide the Sun,
That grow the shrouds,
So that when I run,
I will be blind to where,
Racing, chasing, the night,
Scared and broken there,
Hoping to end in the light,
Laugh laugh, since all I know,
Is the brightest star, as dark as snow.
xxx---Oh so Great, Even Alexander is Jealous---xxx
( I made this a long while ago, it's bad)
She's the most amazing that I've ever seen,
And she's just as unique and strong and so very keen,
Remembering the past I can't seem to move,
Away from the new where it's so hard to prove,
All the words I can't seem to say,
Like swift little petals that all fly away,
I try to encompass all of my heart,
Not much the same I saw right from the start,
Awesome, so awesome, she so plays the part.
Kings and queens with all their riches,
Really dont come close to her and her red hot pitches,
I'm so lucky I could feel all this feeling it's scary,
Stings like a viper but it's a feeling like merry,
That's sweet and it's new and I don't care for sharing,
I'm greedy because I love how she's caring,
Not everyone's so lucky to find what she has,
Exciting and fun and oh so all that jazz.
So pretty that new days bring new smiles
Although when she leaves i miss her a while,
Love likes to play it's cruel little game,
Though when she's back i'm ready to wait all the same,
Every time I'm with her I wish I don't have to leave,
Right when I kiss her, it's like feeling the stars, so hard to conceive.
now i'm happy to fade away, changing white then black and last to grey, of all the things that have gone awry, the last day i said goodbye
got the left and got the right, first were happy then we fight, first we fight and then it falls, right inside my hearts small walls
gun in my hand, blood fall like grains of sand, don't say i didn't try, if only i didn't make you cry
smash my mind as I walked the floor, still see you past closed doors, if only i knew whats to say, why don't we just walk away.
turned the light into fire, burn everyone around, now i regret for being so damn enlightening.
can it be that i cant help myself, that im better off gone, that im just the leaves in the fall.
my past just some faded picture, just leaving me with the music in my headphones, please be in my future.
burn the pages of life so you don't act this way, just love me please is what i pray.
hold the blade tight in my hand, laugh quietly as i sink in sand, act all cool when i get shot, who knew my blood could be so hot.
if you really want i'll let you go, my heart so cold when i cry it snows, i'm so hollow you can hear the wind blow, my wish is that it shows
Goodnight goodnight, to my past life, goodnight goodnight, to the rest of my self, goodnight goodnight to my sanity and strife, goodnight.
pull out the gun, just for fun, shoot my head, oops im dead, not the first, not the worst, kiss the ground, I'm in the sound.
Your my other half, I love it when I make you laugh, Just smile with me in our black and white, Cry and I'll make it alright, for you...
always now and forever, even when you say whatever, I will not stray from your light, because i only want this one sight, of your beauty...
If only if only, we were together, because I would love it, whatever the weather, since you are all mine, and mine is all yours, when i see you my heart soars.I love you too, I do I do. This one thing, I know for true, that the only person I want, is you, is you. :)
Don't bite off more than you can chew, only do what you want to do, don't join the rest of us, you deserve a place all your own.
xxx---Another Day---xxx
Laugh, cry, and then we say bye,
Only to walk back,
Back again, we sigh,
A little heart attack.
Stop being so damn sweet,
It means so many things,
I know your weary, take a seat,
And listen to what your heart sings,
So don't cry over spilt milk,
And being caught in a whirlwind,
So then maybe I'll be bound in your silk.
Forget all those nights,
Because you never were alone
Remember as you hit the lights,
Maybe one day I'll use that tone,
To call you back to my side,
If you only knew what I felt,
You'd see how my lips lied,
You come in, be sweet and make my hearts melt.
Take things slow, for your health,
Smile be happy, and enjoy us,
Otherwise you'll miss life's wealth,
And when we sat together on the bus,
don't you miss how we felt back then,
when I kissed you when you said when...
xxx---Bring on the Night---xxx
Raindrop, raindrop,
Please fall for me,
Down here, don't stop,
Til all I see,
Is just the clouds,
That hide the Sun,
That grow the shrouds,
So that when I run,
I will be blind to where,
Racing, chasing, the night,
Scared and broken there,
Hoping to end in the light,
Laugh laugh, since all I know,
Is the brightest star, as dark as snow.
xxx---Oh so Great, Even Alexander is Jealous---xxx
( I made this a long while ago, it's bad)
She's the most amazing that I've ever seen,
And she's just as unique and strong and so very keen,
Remembering the past I can't seem to move,
Away from the new where it's so hard to prove,
All the words I can't seem to say,
Like swift little petals that all fly away,
I try to encompass all of my heart,
Not much the same I saw right from the start,
Awesome, so awesome, she so plays the part.
Kings and queens with all their riches,
Really dont come close to her and her red hot pitches,
I'm so lucky I could feel all this feeling it's scary,
Stings like a viper but it's a feeling like merry,
That's sweet and it's new and I don't care for sharing,
I'm greedy because I love how she's caring,
Not everyone's so lucky to find what she has,
Exciting and fun and oh so all that jazz.
So pretty that new days bring new smiles
Although when she leaves i miss her a while,
Love likes to play it's cruel little game,
Though when she's back i'm ready to wait all the same,
Every time I'm with her I wish I don't have to leave,
Right when I kiss her, it's like feeling the stars, so hard to conceive.
Some poems
xxx---Redención----xxx
Do you know the fire you start,
In me when you do what you do,
The pain that tears at my heart,
And the pain in the lies I thought were true...
I know the pain now, what I did to you,
But I can't leave the pain you give,
The blood that spills, and tears, too,
How dark the night, every night I live.
xxx---And the Blood Rains On---xxx
So bright and vivid the sorrow,
The tears that drop,
That never stop, that never stop,
Just stop the time, please,
I can’t fix this anymore,
Can’t soar, hit the floor,
Back to Hell, and back again,
I just want the Sun and warmth,
Not this darkness I fell into,
Tell you true, it takes two,
To sink this deep,
But I know the truth now,
To build me strong again,
Use the pen, count to ten,
Take the path I didn’t travel.
xxx---Your Universe---xxx
[A side note, I wasn’t sure whether to start here or somewhere else. This could be an exerpt]
xXx-----------Your Universe------xXx
…I would write the world and what it would be,
It it could all be yours, to you like you mean to me,
So I would write in a language you’d understand,
The world written in your beauty, by the will of my hand,
And to explain your new earth would be quite quick,
Beauty, love, caring, so sweet it’d make you sick,
But what would this world be without it’s brightest star,
(Two seperate endings, this is the one I drafted:
Many would gather to enjoy the beauty, arriving from here and afar)
Even across the universe you’d shine bright from so far.
(ideas for continuing: planets, cosmos, galaxies away)
xxx---draft---xxx
I can't believe my luck,
I seem to be quite stuck,
Stuck so much to just one place,
My eyes are stuck, seeing your face.
I remember how you felt,
When the pain was sadly dealt,
Now I see that he was crazy,
That his mind was very hazy,
For him to let such a diamond go,
To confuse such a friend as a foe,
Now I am the blessed for such joy,
I don't say it enough that I'm the luckiest boy.
My eyes enjoy the sight of your shine,
I am blessed, holding your hands in mine,
I love to feel your body, the comfort, the beat,
My lips feel yours, how soft, it warms me down to my feet.
It's so hard to tell you about how I feel,
Every line seems like an addition to the blooper reel,
And not enough words are here on this Earth,
To even start explaining your unexplainable worth.
So I'll try as I might and write as I will,
Of how you took my heart, and went for the kill,
Now you have me, and I have you,
Here we are, a wonderful two...
Do you know the fire you start,
In me when you do what you do,
The pain that tears at my heart,
And the pain in the lies I thought were true...
I know the pain now, what I did to you,
But I can't leave the pain you give,
The blood that spills, and tears, too,
How dark the night, every night I live.
xxx---And the Blood Rains On---xxx
So bright and vivid the sorrow,
The tears that drop,
That never stop, that never stop,
Just stop the time, please,
I can’t fix this anymore,
Can’t soar, hit the floor,
Back to Hell, and back again,
I just want the Sun and warmth,
Not this darkness I fell into,
Tell you true, it takes two,
To sink this deep,
But I know the truth now,
To build me strong again,
Use the pen, count to ten,
Take the path I didn’t travel.
xxx---Your Universe---xxx
[A side note, I wasn’t sure whether to start here or somewhere else. This could be an exerpt]
xXx-----------Your Universe------xXx
…I would write the world and what it would be,
It it could all be yours, to you like you mean to me,
So I would write in a language you’d understand,
The world written in your beauty, by the will of my hand,
And to explain your new earth would be quite quick,
Beauty, love, caring, so sweet it’d make you sick,
But what would this world be without it’s brightest star,
(Two seperate endings, this is the one I drafted:
Many would gather to enjoy the beauty, arriving from here and afar)
Even across the universe you’d shine bright from so far.
(ideas for continuing: planets, cosmos, galaxies away)
xxx---draft---xxx
I can't believe my luck,
I seem to be quite stuck,
Stuck so much to just one place,
My eyes are stuck, seeing your face.
I remember how you felt,
When the pain was sadly dealt,
Now I see that he was crazy,
That his mind was very hazy,
For him to let such a diamond go,
To confuse such a friend as a foe,
Now I am the blessed for such joy,
I don't say it enough that I'm the luckiest boy.
My eyes enjoy the sight of your shine,
I am blessed, holding your hands in mine,
I love to feel your body, the comfort, the beat,
My lips feel yours, how soft, it warms me down to my feet.
It's so hard to tell you about how I feel,
Every line seems like an addition to the blooper reel,
And not enough words are here on this Earth,
To even start explaining your unexplainable worth.
So I'll try as I might and write as I will,
Of how you took my heart, and went for the kill,
Now you have me, and I have you,
Here we are, a wonderful two...
Poems
I'm bringing them all back, or trying to. Plus two others. Comment?
The Fight:
Final Stand,
The fight is on,
Planning, trying, fighting,
Fight for you, til the end, the most,
A war
The Fight, Part II: When All Else Fails
Just think,
To back in the day,
When he was a ghost, with nothing to say,
I yelled argued, I made a mistake,
Now you want only for him to take
The one last thing, that means you're gone,
But I won't sit still, I'm not a pawn,
I'm a king for you, the one, the true,
The place I'd stay along with you,
Don't forget the good times now,
You reply and say you don't know how,
But I know for a fact, in fact three,
That you'd be so much happier, with me,
So don't lose sight, and don't let go,
Because I know in your heart, you know...
The Fight:
Final Stand,
The fight is on,
Planning, trying, fighting,
Fight for you, til the end, the most,
A war
The Fight, Part II: When All Else Fails
Just think,
To back in the day,
When he was a ghost, with nothing to say,
I yelled argued, I made a mistake,
Now you want only for him to take
The one last thing, that means you're gone,
But I won't sit still, I'm not a pawn,
I'm a king for you, the one, the true,
The place I'd stay along with you,
Don't forget the good times now,
You reply and say you don't know how,
But I know for a fact, in fact three,
That you'd be so much happier, with me,
So don't lose sight, and don't let go,
Because I know in your heart, you know...
I wish I was a Better Artist...
Monday, February 7, 2011
I really want to draw pictures of what I think I am….
A monster..
A failure…
Two-Face…
A ghoul…
Alone…
I’m no longer myself. And I am no hero. I’ll cease to think I could be good at things during “what ifs.” I’m not even good with words… Then it wouldn’t be like this.. I wouldn’t be as bad of a person….
A monster..
A failure…
Two-Face…
A ghoul…
Alone…
I’m no longer myself. And I am no hero. I’ll cease to think I could be good at things during “what ifs.” I’m not even good with words… Then it wouldn’t be like this.. I wouldn’t be as bad of a person….
I lived long enough to be the villain,
I just want to be your fallen hero,
But I fear I’ll never see your beauty,
So close, so warm,
Again… Instead,
I stay in the darkness,
Alone, unwanted, forgotten,
PARIAH
I just want to be your fallen hero,
But I fear I’ll never see your beauty,
So close, so warm,
Again… Instead,
I stay in the darkness,
Alone, unwanted, forgotten,
PARIAH
Sweta
Sunday, February 6, 2011
If you read this, you should read your comments. If you don't, then I'm sorry. hopefully will. I'm trying to help you overcome these dark days. I know what you're going through.
Happy Birthday to Me...
Saturday, February 5, 2011
I’m sorry I make you hurt. But you have no idea how much pain I feel just seeing your name. The wish for my Birthday is for you to be happy. Because I know if I wished that me for that it would never happen. My happiness is you. Your happiness is getting over me. And liking other guys. I wish you so much luck…
“this is tearing out my heart… And I’ll be your memory” - Sugarcult
“this is tearing out my heart… And I’ll be your memory” - Sugarcult
One Day
Friday, February 4, 2011
Today, I found that poem I wrote onthe desk. Under it, someone asked, "huh? Is this a song?" I told them I wrote it. Now I wait for a reply.
Anyways, here's the poem:
One day,
I'll live again,
One day,
I could smile for you,
One day,
I'll be happy for you two,
One day,
My heart won't be pained,
One day,
I won't care if it rained,
One day,
You'll see when you've grown up,
One day,
That I wasn't the only fuck up,
One day...
Anyways, here's the poem:
One day,
I'll live again,
One day,
I could smile for you,
One day,
I'll be happy for you two,
One day,
My heart won't be pained,
One day,
I won't care if it rained,
One day,
You'll see when you've grown up,
One day,
That I wasn't the only fuck up,
One day...
Another Day....
Thursday, February 3, 2011
So, every day is basically eventful to the point of terror, because it's usually not a good thing. So let's see where to start...
Tuesday, I found that one of my old 'friends' has started to try and help me. I'm not sure his motives, but I'm reasonably sure he's helping my ex and her new guy, Mike. He tried to comfort me. But later, he told me of how my ex and Mike had liked eachother throughout my relationship, and they like eachother. Two weeks or less before US. I freaked, and bruised and cut my knuckles, which are still healing.
Wednesday, met a girl that some people think I should befriend, because it would help me get my mind off Sara. I wrote a poem on my Chemistry desk, and forgot to write it somewhere else, so I'll go in there and copy it down. Lastly, one of my guy friends from work told me he really likes me. This makes two people that I don't like that currently like me. Jeez.
Now I'll have Math with the whole gang. Let's see if I don't go crazy.
Tuesday, I found that one of my old 'friends' has started to try and help me. I'm not sure his motives, but I'm reasonably sure he's helping my ex and her new guy, Mike. He tried to comfort me. But later, he told me of how my ex and Mike had liked eachother throughout my relationship, and they like eachother. Two weeks or less before US. I freaked, and bruised and cut my knuckles, which are still healing.
Wednesday, met a girl that some people think I should befriend, because it would help me get my mind off Sara. I wrote a poem on my Chemistry desk, and forgot to write it somewhere else, so I'll go in there and copy it down. Lastly, one of my guy friends from work told me he really likes me. This makes two people that I don't like that currently like me. Jeez.
Now I'll have Math with the whole gang. Let's see if I don't go crazy.
Random...
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
…And then the walls came crashing again, and he fell… Once more he searched for solace in this very mysterious place, reaching out to touch the warm droplets that seemed to stay hanging in the air. All too soon, the memories and images flooded his senses, tearing at his very sanity….
The First
Right now, I feel like writing. Think I might need to….
I wish I could’ve died a hero, so I didn’t become your villain, Last one I’d want to fight, Is the one that showed me light, And when I fell, it was so far, so fast, I wish I’d have fallen into the past, May be the only way I’d be with you, I know I’ve said it many times, it’s true, But I miss you, I’m sorry, I failed, I know this ship has already sailed, But I love you, more than you know, I’d do anything for it to show, And fight the world to burn, In the Crucible, once again, And always treat you like the queen you are…
I wish I could’ve died a hero, so I didn’t become your villain, Last one I’d want to fight, Is the one that showed me light, And when I fell, it was so far, so fast, I wish I’d have fallen into the past, May be the only way I’d be with you, I know I’ve said it many times, it’s true, But I miss you, I’m sorry, I failed, I know this ship has already sailed, But I love you, more than you know, I’d do anything for it to show, And fight the world to burn, In the Crucible, once again, And always treat you like the queen you are…
Phoenix reborn
I've now realized that I can blog from my iTouch. So I will.
It's been a while since I quit my blog. But I thought that I kind've wanted to, now. Post my poems, rant and rave, and then see if anybody cares to comment. I'm not sure how often I will post poems, but I could return my poems to his blog. Up to my few readers.
Anyways, alot of things have changed for me. I'm out of my 10 month relationship, which is still having a great aftereffect on me.
I have a steady job at the mall as a sales associate at a clothing store.
Almost a certified CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant)
Halfway done with Junior year in high school.
Still no license.
So yeah, so many details with all these events, but I won't get into detail. Just, everyday is basically a new adventure. A new battle.
Part of the same war.
It's been a while since I quit my blog. But I thought that I kind've wanted to, now. Post my poems, rant and rave, and then see if anybody cares to comment. I'm not sure how often I will post poems, but I could return my poems to his blog. Up to my few readers.
Anyways, alot of things have changed for me. I'm out of my 10 month relationship, which is still having a great aftereffect on me.
I have a steady job at the mall as a sales associate at a clothing store.
Almost a certified CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant)
Halfway done with Junior year in high school.
Still no license.
So yeah, so many details with all these events, but I won't get into detail. Just, everyday is basically a new adventure. A new battle.
Part of the same war.
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